Greetings, sexual (and non-sexual) Wildcats!

Continuing the rotation of sex questions one week and sex rants the next, I’m throwing some thoughts at you. This week I want to cover two related topics that are near and dear to my heart (and vagina): foreplay and faking it. Upon first glance, these two things seem super simple. Foreplay? Good! Faking it? Bad! So why don’t things always work out that way? Why do people consistently fake it and why does foreplay get thrown to the wayside? And why choose to address these two rather meaty matters in one column instead of separately? We’ll get to that later, I promise.

So, foreplay. Can we please not underestimate it? I’ve heard foreplay compared to the opening orchestrations of an amazing show, but I want to alter that juxtaposition and say it’s more like a major plot point of the first act. One that sets the stage for what will happen in the second act and indicates whether you’ll like it, love it or wish you had ditched after intermission. (Has this metaphor gone too far? Moving on.) What I’m getting at is this: In my opinion, foreplay is always an important part of sex and the two acts shouldn’t be seen as separate things, but rather different and wonderful parts of a whole experience.

Switching gears for a minute, let’s get to faking it. Why does anyone ever fake it? I am honestly appalled by the fact that faking it is a regular occurrence for some people. On the face of it, it makes absolutely no sense. You’re not getting your orgasm and your partner’s not getting the skills they need to get you off — not to mention you’re doing a disservice to this person’s future partners! Granted, this is all coming from someone who has faked it more times than she’d like to admit. But it’s a habit I broke a while ago after lots of middling sex and self-doubt.

Here’s the part where I connect these two concepts together. Here’s also the part where I admit I am coming at this from a female perspective. In my opinion, foreplay is shortened and orgasms are faked because there’s this massive amount of misinformation out there about how women are supposed to reach orgasm. The number of people, both guys and girls, that are convinced the female orgasm most often occurs from penetration is staggering, when the truth is only about 25 percent of women can come from intercourse without the addition of hands, tongue, or toys. So girls assume they’re supposed to be climaxing from penis alone and when they aren’t, they think there must be something wrong with them. So what do they do? They fake it. And guys think foreplay is just the warm-up and not necessarily a time for orgasms.

A final note: I’m approaching these issues from my own personal experiences and from discussions I’ve had with friends. The examples I use are in a heteronormative context, so please contact me if you think I missed something, or if you have any thoughts at all.

Next week’s column is back to questions and answers again! Shoot me your intimate inquiries at [email protected].