The Daily Northwestern

Barzon: No winners in battles of modern war

Carlton Barzon

October 14, 2009

There's no such thing as a "clean" war. No matter what shock-and-awe buzzwords politicians use to sell it to us, no matter how many smart bombs or unmanned drones we churn off the assembly lines and no matter how much money we spend on body armor and early warning systems, someone will still have to step up to...

LeBuhn: Professional sweet-talking for new job

Mac LeBuhn

October 11, 2009

To Whom It May Concern:I recently came across your posting on CareerCat, Northwestern University's Career Services page. I am writing to express my interest in a full-time position at McTinsley and Co. I think you'll find my academic and professional experiences make me a superb match for your organization.Academically, I've spen...

Barzon: At all costs, avoid online pit of terror

Carlton Barzon

October 7, 2009

I have seen the Internet's true face. The forum boards are decrepit septic tanks ready to burst open like the bloated belly of a swollen corpse, releasing a deluge of verbal diarrhea and the abandoned social waste of a damned culture. The accumulated filth of all their tired memes and LOLcats will foam up arou...

Letters from the Archives

October 7, 2009

Proposal: Coyotes would be awesome 05/02/05Fellow citizens, I am a pizza delivery boy at a major local pizza chain and a few nights ago a homeless drunk tried to mug me. Furthermore, two of my roommates have been mugged and my car has been broken into three times in the last two months.I would like to...