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Pillow Talk: Orgasm anxiety

Laken Howard, Columnist

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There’s no denying that the bedroom is usually a pretty fun place to be. However, it’s easy to get stressed about all kinds of things when you’re naked and therefore a tad more self-conscious than usual. All you can do is relax and take comfort in the fact that everyone, man or woman, has these moments of insecurity. It’s normal to worry about a whole host of things while you’re doing the nasty: penis/boob size, body odor, how you sound, etc.

However, the biggest stressor in the bedroom is typically centered on the main event. That is to say, both males and females get worked up over how long it takes them to cum. In general, most women (myself included) worry they are taking too long. When you’re too far in your own head, it’s hard to just be in the moment and enjoy yourself. I’m definitely guilty of this: A guy is going down on me, and I’m so worried about when (or if) I’ll orgasm that it makes cumming virtually impossible. I get anxious because I’m worried my partner will think he’s not doing a good job if I don’t cum, but orgasms are so mental that it’s rarely his fault. I know most guys like to make their partner cum (unless they’re an asshole, in which case you should dump them ASAP), but personally I am not upset in the least if the sex is over and I didn’t O. There are other, uhh, manual ways to get off, so my only advice is to not give up afterward. Keep in mind, too, that foreplay is a thing that exists and you should take full advantage of that time beforehand to prep both partners for an amazing orgasm.

Similarly, although it may seem like guys want to last forever, that is definitely not the case.  I’ve had guys who worried about both cumming too quickly or taking too long. Just like with girls, if it’s taking a while, a guy might get worried that he will offend his partner if he doesn’t cum. The most important thing to remember is that it’s usually not a sign that the sex is bad. All you can do is communicate when a guy is struggling to get to O-Town (Get it? Like the band?), and try to figure out what he needs to push him over the edge. If it’s just not happening, don’t be discouraged. Everyone has their off days, so at the very least, you can just consider it practice. As for cumming too soon, I would argue that this is not nearly as big an issue as guys think it is. As I mentioned, foreplay and afterplay (I just made that up) are surefire ways to make sure both partners leave satisfied. If you still feel like you came too quickly, all you can do is not leave your partner hanging. Keep things steamy until both people climax and the stress of cumming too soon will be irrelevant.

Ultimately, the key to all this is figuring out how one another’s bodies work, and then adjusting your sex accordingly. Once you find your groove, it’ll get easier to leave the stress behind and focus on pleasing one another. Just remember that even though there are a ton of things to be insecure about in bed, they’re things we all think about. As Natasha Bedingfield would say: Release your inhibitions, feel the rain on your skin, etc. At the end of the day, there are a ton of factors at play when it comes to having an orgasm, so just know that with a little hard work and determination, everyone can get there eventually. Be confident and don’t get bogged down with worrying about all the little things, and you should be able to relax and enjoy your romp between the sheets.

Until next time, stay safe and stay sexy!

Email: lakenhoward2015@u.northwestern.edu
Twitter: @lakenisahorcrux

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