The Rundown: Week of May 5

Annie Bruce, Current Assistant Editor

  • Famous-for-no-reason Ali Lohan told reporters she doesn’t need to “ride on any coattails” to become a celebrity. That’s because older sister Lindsay Lohan has completely destroyed any coattails her sister might use. Lindsay has gone through another series of ups and downs lately but claims rehab won’t help her get any better. You heard it here first: Lindsay claimed she has “never been a huge drinker.” The rehab facilitators, police officers, judges and most of her family and friends beg to differ.
  • Donald Trump is using Twitter to complain about Jon Stewart. Trump had some harsh words for the comedian, but he didn’t bother to come up with substantial critiques about “The Daily Show” host aside from repeatedly referring to Stewart as a “total phony.” Trump really has no right to use the word phony, considering what his hair looks like.
  • Sarah Jessica Parker is still trying to do Carrie Bradshaw one more time. Parker told reporters a third “Sex and the City” movie would be “wonderful” and assured viewers there is still one more story to be told. She hinted that if the timing was right, she would definitely want to participate in yet another movie version of the hit HBO series. Looks like someone is trying to steal the thunder of AnnaSophia Robb’s “Carrie Diaries” show, which Parker has openly critiqued.
  • Everyone’s favorite couple has finally broken up. Chris Brown confirmed he and Rihanna have split, and hopefully this time it’s permanent. Brown said the breakup was because of busy schedules and also added he “can’t be focused on wife-ing someone that young” because he “needs to be the best Chris Brown” he can be. The saddest part of all these statements is it appears Brown is the one who broke up with Rihanna. She should have told him to “Take a Bow” ages ago.
  • Steve Carell is rumored to be returning in the series finale of “The Office.” Carell played main character Michael Scott for seven seasons of the hit show, which has never been quite the same since his departure. Carell’s team has denied that he will be returning, but sources close to the show have hinted otherwise. Come on, we need one more classic Michael Scott moment and a “that’s what she said joke” to get us through this finale.