SMOKING IN THE GIRLS’ ROOM Last Friday, a party for new Kappas-Kappledges? Lil’ wee Kappas? Kappecitas?-was thrown by a top fraternity, allegedly called Kappa Fiesta. However, instead of giving the girls a chance to coordinate their outfits, the frat boys said screw it and left the theme ambiguous. In the ensuing fashion crisis, one girl wore a sombrero, one wore a Corona T-shirt and everyone got their party on in sparsely decorated rooms that just screamed ‘festive’ and ‘peer pressure.’ Actives, or maybe pledges, policed the doors, watching out for any would-be party crashers.

Of course, you know what happens next-IFC made an appearance at the house, so everyone hid like it was a surprise party. One party-goer says, ‘I got stuck in a bathroom with three strangers, which sucked.’ Exaggerated frat style, that means a totally bomb-ass orgy went down-siiiiiiiiiiick! Otherwise, boys sang loudly and enthusiastically to Taylor Swift, trying to pretend it was ‘ironic,’ but really, just verbalizing the darkness of their souls (I mean, how else is ‘Love Story’ supposed to make you feel if not unfulfilled?). Cigarettes were smoked outside of bathroom windows, harkening back to high school days. Senior girls felt really old. Ladies, it’s just the first stop on a little path called’hellip; life.

IDOL OF OUR EYES Some of you might have seen NU student John Park’s appearance on ‘American Idol,’ where Shania Twain fawned over him like a total creep (wait, what are we talking about? She’s still totally fine) and Simon Cowell said something droll. As a campus, we all got excited-even if you hate the formula of ‘Idol,’ it’s nice to see a NU student succeed. However, when Park Tweeted that he would be back in Chicago, we all wondered whether or not it meant he had gotten the boot (well, some of us wondered). Our man on the street passes along a tip that he was seen at Burger King-reports that he was ingesting a spicy chicken sandwich, which is decidedly NOT good for your vocal cords, are confirmed. Further reporting (sifting through gossip blogs) tells us that, contrary to our worst fears, Park is actually just taking a break in between Idol rounds-supposedly, he’s in the top 25, which is great, great news if you’re a happy person and love the world. If you’re a misanthrope trying to get a Wildcat down, whatever-vote for the fattest person on the show and try to pretend you’re egalitarian. We at The Weekly will be supporting Park until he wins the contest or drops out (we refuse to acknowledge that NU students can lose)-it would be nice to avoid embarrassment on the national stage.