LeBuhn: Professional sweet-talking for new job

Mac LeBuhn

To Whom It May Concern:I recently came across your posting on CareerCat, Northwestern University’s Career Services page. I am writing to express my interest in a full-time position at McTinsley and Co. I think you’ll find my academic and professional experiences make me a superb match for your organization.

Academically, I’ve spent four years learning how to profess an interest in discounting cash flows with a straight face. For instance, my experiences in econometrics have made me particularly competent at spending long periods in front of an Excel spreadsheet without compunction.

Last quarter, I took a graduate-level course on advanced accounting methods, with a specific focus on materials that I have absolutely no innate interest in. While it was a time-consuming effort to hone my ability to devote my energy to fields I couldn’t care less about, these valuable experiences make me all the more excited to learn about the different aspects of McTinsley’s consulting services that I will need to feign an interest in.

Despite my challenging academic record, I also spent some time away from the classroom to get involved in a token student group. My role as campus relations chair for the Northwestern Community Services Group required me to attend half-hour long weekly meetings, yet as you’ll notice on my resume, I’ve described this position as one of major responsibility. Conversations with current McTinsley analysts indicate such a dissimulating attitude will serve me well in the working world.

Professionally, you’ll see I spent the final months of my youth last summer at a highly rewarding internship at the America Banking Co. In that role, I gained a high level of proficiency in breaking up with my girlfriend and allowing other relationships to stagnate.

Such edifying experiences will enable me to adapt to an 80-hour workweek with less friction than more inexperienced candidates. An opportunity at McTinsley marks an exciting opportunity for me to further subsume my personal life with professional interests.

Being a McTinsley analyst also fits into my larger life plans. I look forward to spending the next two years in mirthless misery to supplant my eventual application to Harvard Business School, an institution I am sure will absolutely appreciate my two years of insincere effort.

Finally, if you would turn your attention to the section of my resume titled “Personal Interests,” you’ll notice I have left it blank. As conversations with McTinsley recruiters have suggested, an absence of hobbies make me ideally suited for the demands of the analyst role.

I look forward to learning more about the analyst role at McTinsley. Please do not hesitate to contact me to hear additional equivocation on a largely disingenuous resume. Thanks so much for your consideration.

Best,

Mac LeBuhn

Weinberg senior Mac LeBuhn can be reached at [email protected]

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