Column: Nick Jonas, big man on campus (maybe)

Jeremy Gordon

“Of course you would say that, Nick,” you smirk with a not-so-subtle sneer curling over your face, “But the facts remain: If Truman hadn’t dropped the bomb, hundreds of thousands of lives would be saved. Are you really going to value one human life over another? What a Disney Channel type of rhetoric. I guess your arguments are burning up.” You kick your feet up on the chair in front of you, fold your arms behind your head, and sit back, the sneer growing even wider. Normally, you would not be so brash, so rude, so uncalled for. Today, however, is a special day. You have just eviscerated a Jonas brother in discussion class, and he looks like he might cry.

Sound implausible? Well, maybe – Nick Jonas might be a secret history buff, even if the lyrics to “Year 3000” show a lack of foresight about global development. But the idea of the youngest JoBro tossing bon mots in discussion class isn’t so silly, considering he visited NU last week for a tour, after making earlier comments about hoping to become a Wildcat when he’s old enough for college.

I can safely say the reaction was huge – Perez Hilton blogged about the visit, a bunch of my friends had Facebook statuses reflecting their missed opportunity to show some love, and when I ventured into Norris to see where he had gone, I found not his boyish face but a gaggle of teenage girls standing in a circle, squealing in ecstasy.

Jonas madness was real, and it was at NU.

Imagine a real, bona fide celebrity as a Northwestern student – not a rich kid, not a highly touted athletic prospect, but someone who commands more female worship than even the most suave SigEp brother. Imagine drawing him as a roommate – could you resist the urge to blast his music, just to be awkward? Would you poach his underwear and sell it on eBay? Would you take photos of him sleeping and send them to TMZ? Imagine, for that matter, the increased security in classrooms and at sports games, the inevitable flashing of cameras that would take place as he strolled past a tour group, the constant badgering by less-than-honorable NU students looking to hop the fame bandwagon.

Forget being his roommate – it doesn’t sound like it would be very fun to be the celebrity himself, just trying to get along like a normal kid.

The path of a child star is a lonely one. It’s unlikely that a star of Nick Jonas’ magnitude could just simply fit in at NU, even if he genuinely got along with everyone – someone would always be gawking from afar, and at least one related topic on College ACB would pop up every week.

Perhaps if Nick and other like-minded celebrities want a normal college experience, they shouldn’t hold their breath and just accept being the elephant in the room. I’m sure the teenage girls won’t mind, especially if he brings his guitar.