It’s winter in Evanston. After the blustery winds chill you to the bone, warm up with a nice hot cup of Forum. Here are the five columnists that will get you through the frigid weather. Mmm, tasty.
Mondays: Jake Wertz
Jake Wertz is a SESP senior originally from San Francisco. Below are eight chronologically sequenced alliterative phrases consisting of the epochs, domiciles, activities, people, events, internships, individuals and gigs, respectively.
Though far from being “highlights” all, are most indicative of the personalities, beliefs and opinions your faithful Monday columnist has embodied in the past four years:
Medill malaise; PARC person
Goldfish gulping; sorority solipsism
Midget madness; Nuclear newsman
Bienen beholden; Daily dabbling
Tuesdays: Ben Larrison
Ben Larrison is a 21-year-old American male enjoying his fourth year at Northwestern University. He is originally from the great state of Connecticut, which he encourages you all to visit.
Ben is a Journalism and African American Studies double major, and is involved with many campus organizations. One of these many organizations is the Northwestern Happiness Club, which he founded. It even has its own Facebook group, which Ben also created. Ben wants to assure you that yes, it is a real club, and yes, you should join it.
Ben was a sportswriter and editor at the Daily for the first three years of his Northwestern life. During this time, he broke many stories that went largely unnoticed due to their relative insignificance.
Ben is a vegetarian, which means he does not eat animals (living or dead). He also wants to point out that he does not object to meat-eaters, and in fact counts many omnivores as his closest friends.
Ben has never been convicted of a felony. He hopes to one day be employed and feels he would be a great addition to your team.
Wednesdays: Ethan Ensler
Ethan Ensler is a 36-week journalism veteran who has written more than nine editorials and has read nearly 60 novels. He describes himself as “a well-seasoned journalist worth his salt,” and he has gained notoriety for peppering his editorials with terrible puns, making crudely-drawn comics and for winning the 2002 “Most Helpful Classmate” award. His focus is on everything ever simultaneously, as well as platypuses and The New York Times. On June 6, 2008, it was announced that Mr. Ensler would be graduating high school.
Thursdays: Jeff Crockett
Jeff Crockett has everything it takes to be a Daily editorial columnist. He’s smart, opinionated and his knowledge of linguistics allows him to form complete sentences at the drop of a hat. He also has a public service record that’s so vast, it makes ASG President Neal Sales-Griffin look like a freeloading hippie. Just two examples: from 2006-2007, Jeff worked tirelessly for drug policy reform by lobbying Congress on behalf of NORCL (National Organization for the Reform of Crack Laws). Jeff is also no stranger to academics.
In 2006, he shocked the mathematics community when he calculated the value of infinity to within three decimal places. The exact value is too large to print here, but suffice it to say that it has an awful lot of nines. In historical circles, Jeff is considered the world’s leading expert on the life of Jeff Crockett.
In his spare time, Jeff enjoys surfing Wikipedia, playing the piano and beating you at Guitar Hero.
Fridays: Jenny Fukumoto
Jenny is a senior from the greater Los Angeles area – she’s one of those Medill students who wants nothing to do with journalism after graduation. She’s also one of those sorority girls on campus – but can’t tell you which one, since she’s a recruitment counselor (if you really must know, check Facebook on Jan. 14).
Other than that, Jenny’s a Starbucks (read: not Norbucks) barista (the tips aren’t great but the free coffee is). She appreciates the finer things in life, like perfectly ripened avocados, a medium-well steak and always a 4×4 from In-n-Out Burger.
As a columnist this quarter, Jenny will stay away from sports and politics (she’ll let the boys handle those) and stick to university issues, occasional epiphanies and anything else you want to read about on the weekend.
