TURKEY STUFFINGTurkey carving started a bit early throughout the frat quads this week as many houses hosted their infamous Thanksgiving dinners. The dress code? Little black dresses of the sluttiest varieties. And unlike their usual Sunday night (sausagefest) dinners, these are “served” by a select couple of “hot” girls. Yes, you read that right – an inebriated posse of sophomore and junior girls pouring the gravy and slicing the pie for their overly affectionate guy friends. Most houses also include a spirited toast to the evening’s drunken events, though at the rowdier dinners, it’s more of an off-color roast than a toast. From jugs of Carlo to jugs of a more suggestive variety, the events are a chance for each house to brazenly exercise their masculinity for prospective freshmen. Of course, a healthy serving of misogyny is on the menu alongside catered trays of mashed potatoes. “Honey, for all the booze we give you, you bitches can service us for one night,” said one frat brother of the annual shitshow. The aftermath the next morning? A mean hangover with a side of consensual objectification. According to one server at a dinner earlier this week, “I am so happy to know that those boys value our intellect and personality so much. Ha.” After an experience like that, mom’s stuffing should taste more wholesome than ever.ALL DECKED OUTThis Friday, Alpha Phi will parade out a selection of fine male specimens to rake in some cash for Women’s Cardiac Care at the sorority’s King of Hearts fundraiser. The pageant setup isn’t exactly the freshest (or should we say “phi-reshest”?) philanthropic idea around, but bonus points for the group dance number component. APhi and Theta have always shared the nice type-A-girls stereotype, so it figures that they’d both try to frisk things up a bit with some pec-baring and pickup lines. Let’s hope APhi can pull off a more “phi-nomenal” event than their scenier rush competition. “It’s going to be Mr. Casanova, but on crack,” says one APhi of Theta’s spring show, aka their pageant predecessors (or inspiration…?). Just don’t expect to take home a piece of the on-stage action, girls, since a number of the contestants are reportedly more likely to be busy checking each other out.AN INTIMATE FIRESIDEDildos, nipple clamps and vibrators, oh my! EmPower, a group of Panhellenic sorority women who meet weekly and plan events on campus that promote women’s issues like safe sex and having a positive body image, held their annual Sex Toys Fireside last night in Harris 107. Nothing like learning about how to please yourself – or someone else in a less-than-traditional way – in the same room you took that one history seminar in.The event featured a speaker from Early to Bed, a female-owned store that, according to their Web site, sells sex toys and erotic gifts to people of all genders and orientations. We always thought those commercials about banking over the Internet in your underwear were a stretch. Who actually pays their bills in the buff? But here’s something we can all get behind: ordering your gift of choice from Early to Bed. They ship discretely in plain brown bags! And, the elastomer cockring – secure and stretchy – will only run you $8.THAT OTHER “MAGAZINE”We have received word that North by Northwestern – the Web site, not that print edition – is currently undergoing a redesign. This is funny because now that Slate has changed its main page, NbN actually looks original. We wonder whom they’ll copy next. Salon, watch out.ONE LAST GOSSIP BLOG UPDATEAfter today’s issue, The Weekly is taking a rest until January. Over the break, though, the gossipmongers of NU might have to turn to another site that we’ve featured on this page in the past. To ease your transition, one last Confirmed and Denied tip.Rumor Royalty – Confirmed: The great gay blogger is “back, bitches,” according to a post on the site yesterday. Michael Kane himself will be in Evanston for the weekend, so all of you freshmen who read it every day of the summer but have since stopped, find your fake, reassemble your pod of friends and make your way to one of these bars: The Keg, Bat 17, Bar Louie, Nevin’s or Hundo. Kane is right: It’s sure to be an “epic night.”