Staine: A phat new fad

Susan Staine

At the risk of sounding like a druggie, Basketball Diaries style, I’m gonna tell you all that I have a problem: I love sniffing markers.

More specifically, I love smelling those fragrant, fat, colored markers that Dane Cook jokes about and children go nuts over. Their ink on paper is a form of neon and Technicolor glory. Their existence is a blessing in my life, as I’m a sucker for anything colorful, happy, and rainbow-y.

Since first coming across these magnificent writing tools, my love has only exponentially increased. I’ve moved from the sniff markers to the permanent ones, even German ones. I’ve got these markers, and several other brands, in separate bags, drawers and cups, because I just had to have them all, Pokemon style.

My obsession has even started to affect those around me. People see me break out my markers and they go a little wild, no joke. I’ve had people ask me about them, and I am completely torn. Should I tell them, and then risk the two of us having the same set of pens in class, or should I shirk their inquiries?

I turn to you Northwestern ladies and gentlemen, since you’ll know all about that feeling of conflict. I mean think about that really original and clever “everyone loves a [Irish/conformist/sorority] girl” shirt that you spent hours picking out. Should you let your girlfriend know where she too can buy it? What if she buys the same one? And let’s say you do confess where you bought that precious tee, what if the two of you walk into chapter or class wearing the same one? It would be tragic.

And guys, we all know that there are only so many variations on the “Kiss Me I’m Irish” shirt. What if you and your bro walk into a party in the same one; how would that really hot chick know which one of you two unique souls to hook up with?

So, in light of the recent awful economic setback, I’m proposing that instead of buying the same clever and hip shoes, glasses, bags, pants, shirts, watches and all sorts of other designer products, we take it back to the third grade. Back then, the person with the coolest crayons and markers and color pencils was everybody’s BFF. I’ll sacrifice my unique obsession for the rest of you.

We’re all college students. Thus, we’re all in a constant search for that new trend that straddles the line between popular and suitably kitsch.

I’m not telling anyone to go way back to the days when everyone had a Hello Kitty character they were loyal to (Pippo the Piglet, and what?), and they had to have the matching pen, pencil and pencil case set. But think about my proposition for a minute.

Avoid the sea of purple sweatshirts that you’d find in line at Forever 21, The North Face, Urban Outfitters and give Blick Art Materials store a chance to swipe your US Bank debit card.

After all, what could be better than investing in a relatively cheap new (hopefully it takes) fad that not only brightens up your academic and social planners, but also works great for signing and creating birthday cards, making those Go!Dodgers!Go! signs for your dorm room door and taking notes. After all, a “Jesus is my homeboy” T-shirt didn’t make your freshman seminar note-taking any more pleasant.