Did you hear the one about the artificial turf? No?

OK, so there’s this guy, let’s just call him the New Jersey Department of Health and Senior Services, and he was doing a few tests on the AstroTurf used at some of the state’s parks and universities. Well, it turns out a number of those fields actually contain lead levels at eight to 10 times the legal limit!

Get it? It’s actually really dangerous! Hilarious stuff out of the ironically termed Garden State.

As far as Northwestern is concerned, the two most-recently installed artificial playing surfaces – at the outdoor football practice facility and the new soccer/lacrosse field – use FieldTurf, which has been deemed safe.

But the lead controversy is just another instance of athletics posing a hazard to our health and our environment.

So in honor of Earth Day, I have compiled a list of five other ways in which our beloved sports are destroying the world. Enjoy!

_Ѣ Water! You know those beautiful green fields you see at the ballpark every summer? Well, they don’t get that majestic without an incredible amount of watering, which can be especially harmful in drought-affected areas like Florida and the Southwest.

_Ѣ Pollution! By now, everyone knows about the problems posed by excessive gasoline consumption. Sadly, sporting events aren’t really helping the efforts to cut down on fuel use.

Teams fly cross-country to get to games. Fans drive to the stadium instead of taking public transit. And then there’s auto racing, which consists of people driving around in circles at high speeds for 500 miles. Nice.

_Ѣ Hunting! People tracking and killing animals for sport. I’m not here to judge you, hunters, but there’s no denying that your hobby has an impact on the Earth.

Please don’t shoot me.

_Ѣ Golf! Pretty much everything about this game is awful for the environment. Thousands of acres of land, much of it marshland and other habitats critical to the ecosystem, are devoured by some 16,000 courses in the U.S. alone. And hundreds of gallons of pesticides are used to keep the holes bug-free, only to seep into the sewers and wind up in the water supply. Beautiful as it may be, golf is wrecking havoc on the Earth.

_Ѣ Birds! Whether it’s Randy Johnson obliterating a dove that flew into one of his fastballs, or PGA golfer Tripp Isenhour intentionally hitting (and accidentally killing) a migratory hawk with a golf shot, our feathered friends have had little luck in the sports world.

Need more proof? Two words: Arizona Cardinals.

Assistant sports editor Ben Larrison is a Medill junior. He can be reached at [email protected].