Meet the new columnists…

The third and final quarter has arrived. Spring is in the air. The birds are chirping, the ice is melting, the bees are buzzing and the happy couples are frolicking down Sheridan Road. Who doesn’t love Dillo Day, warm weather and studying on the beach? With the arrival of everyone’s favorite quarter comes a brand new batch of fascinating columnists. These talented individuals are sure to make you laugh, smile, cry and write angry letters. Here they are:

Mondays: Jesse Sleamaker

Jesse Sleamaker was two years old when a friendly pack of wolves found him naked and starving in the wilderness, and took him in to be raised as one of their own. Jesse retains most of the primal civility instilled in him by his foster parents. In addition to his radical animal-rights activism, Jesse enjoys violently defending personal territory, howling at the moon, thinking with a pack mentality and gnawing on caribou thigh.

Jesse’s complete disregard for so-called “normal” social conventions ensures that his columns will disregard the oppressive boundaries of “journalistic integrity” and “facts,” opting instead for things that are much more exciting, like how animal imitations are overlooked as an appropriate mode of self-expression.

Of course, Jesse will make attempts at being “serious” as well. Expect to see courageous defense of environmental issues. Expect vehement criticism of Northwestern’s apathy. Expect the undisguised promotion of student activism of all sorts. Expect Jesse’s best – albeit modest – attempt at critically engaging issues NU students are passionate about.

This column will endeavor to flesh out points of conflict and contact between opposing points of view. But, most important, it will be a mission to identify the rare intersections upon which, realize it or not, we may be able to agree.

Tuesdays: Nick Weldon

I am a Medill sophomore, and I’m originally from Indianapolis, a.k.a. “Naptown” or “The Nap.” My passion in life has always been writing. I love meeting people and hearing the stories they tell. My other passion is reminding everyone around me why the Hoosier State really is the best state in the Union.

I’m a huge sports nut, and my favorite teams are the Chicago Cubs, the Indiana Pacers, and the Miami Dolphins through thick and thin (and it has usually been thin, except for the Reggie Miller era). Being a Hoosier, I love basketball, and play it all the time. I’m probably better than you.

I’m a devout fan of hip-hop music, and my favorite artists are Outkast, Kanye West and Lupe Fiasco. I also like to travel, and the best place in the world (other than Indiana) is the Big Island of Hawaii. I tend to laugh a lot and enjoy the lighter side of life. I hope that my columns always challenge you to think, make you laugh (when appropriate) and encourage you to thank the great state of Indiana for giving you corn, basketball and me.

Wednesdays: Braxton Boren

Braxton Boren is a senior majoring in Music Technology. It’s okay that you don’t know what that means – neither does anyone else. It is this form of unknown minutia which he will attempt to bring to light, from the big questions (does Evanston have a Freudian envy of Chicago’s skyscrapers?) to the small (just how slippery are the steps of Harris Hall when wet?).

Unlike virtually every other male columnist at The Daily, he will occasionally have serious things to talk about. Also, he has not yet jumped on the Obama bandwagon, so that pretty much kills the whole idea right there. Nevertheless, he will do everything he can to ensure that The Daily does its job of giving you, the NU student, plenty to gripe about over lunch.

Thursdays: Christina Alexander

Christina Alexander is basically a snarky wench. Wielding sarcasm like an AK-47, she’s quipped and insulted her way to offending way too many people – except that she’s normally picking on herself and her inability to do anything without it turning into a major incident.

And after four years of 50-hour work weeks, late nights at The Daily, way too many terms on Pi Phi exec and double-majoring, she’s realized something: She’s a snarky wench who’s missed out on way too many iconic NU experiences. So she’s going to fix that this quarter, one week at a time.

Fridays: Oscar Raymundo

“My last name is Raymundo. R-a-y-“

“I cannot find it. Let me look here…”

“Actually, it might be under Melendrez…” Nothing.

“Can you search under Melendrez Raymundo?”

The airline receptionist looks at me like I’m insane, or worse – a terrorist. Definitely a terrorist, or a spy, perhaps.

“Sir, do you know what your name is?”

Je m’appelle Oscar, and that day, after failing to retrieve my ticket for an outbound flight from Paris, I managed to escape from Charles de Gaulle.

I missed my original flight and apparently flying standby is unheard of in Europe. It was impossible to get 800 euros to purchase a new ticket back to Madrid and impossible to persuade the French to let this Mexican boy out of their country. All I had was my confirmation number that would get me past security and just enough guts to pull the biggest stunt of my life. Did I mention I’m a spy?