We want you to be a Daily columnist

Christopher Danzig

Dear Loyal Daily Reader,

Do you want to be President of the United States, and fix the mess our planet has become? Do you still cling to your childhood desire to sing in a rock band? Would you like to fly to the moon or save the whales?

Here at The Daily, we can’t help you do any of those things, but we can offer you something even cooler. Once a week for a whole quarter, we will reserve the right side of this very page for your own 550-word column.

As a columnist, you can rant about whatever you want and thousands of people across Evanston and the United States will read it.

In your opinion, is George W. Bush the best leader this country has had since Abraham Lincoln? Hey, it’s your column. Go for it.

You think U2 sucks and Bono is jerk? Tell the world why. Be funnier than South Park, or tell a tale so heart-breaking that you make your English literature professor cry. Make your parents proud of your brilliant understanding of Chicago politics, or make them ashamed of your racy collegiate wit and unhealthy drinking habits.

Let your creativity drip through your fingers into your keyboard with sugary prose (as long as you follow AP Style). Get yourself pumped up and ticked off, and use this page to shout about how intolerably miserable French President Nicolas Sarkozy is as a leader, a husband and a human being.

Random, very attractive ladies will recognize your mug shot and flirt with you after class, dying to know how you came up with that brilliant pun about Forest Whitaker. Or Tyrell Sutton might ask you on a date after discussing your incisive and well-enunciated plan to end the Darfur genocide.

Across campus, fiery lunchtime debates in the dining halls will erupt into food-flinging battles over your blistering anti-Greek tirade.

During lectures, students will forget about The Daily’s crossword puzzle, because they will be so engrossed in your exposé on Air Willie’s criminal record.

You must note that as a columnist, you will need a tough constitution. You’ll start comment wars on The Daily’s Web site, and you will probably receive more than a few flame e-mails from faculty, alumni and random businessmen from Canada. You will learn to fear the wrath of William Banis and Mary Desler, and you will have stay away from Tech, because a group of offended engineers might run you down with their solar car.

To apply, submit two 550-word sample columns, five column ideas and a 150-word bio to [email protected] by Dec. 14. If you are not a journalism student, or not even an NU student, don’t worry. You can apply, too. This is not The Daily Undergraduate Journalism Major. The Daily is Evanston’s newspaper as well. The columnist position is open to all local residents, NU faulty and staff.

It’s not a problem if you are not Ernest Hemingway or Thomas Friedman. As long as you enjoy writing and loudly proclaiming your opinion, The Daily urges you to apply. We, along with the rest of the NU community, relish our columnists’ personal styles and flourishes. For newspaper newcomers, the editors at the Forum desk can also help you out should any problems arise.

If you are selected as one of the razor-sharp Winter Quarter columnists, you will be treading upon the hallowed ground of more than a century’s worth of top-notch student journalists. You five Chosen Ones will be immortalized in that legendary canon of columnists, to be remembered and revered for generations to come.

Good luck, and happy writing.

Winter Quarter Forum Editor Christopher Danzig is a Medill senior. He can be reached at [email protected]