During the daily grind at my parenting magazine, I sometimes take breaks from writing about Harry Potter release parties and family-friendly stingray exhibits at the zoo to browse the Internet for column ideas. Enter my two BFFs, Google and Amazon.

I spent the afternoon with these new friends to learn about how girls can be sexy. Well duh, I believe I told you last fall, you just have to be confident. But I wanted to see what the Internet had to say.

Amazon is filled with books that teach desperate ladies how to be sexy. And not just sexy but sexayy, otherworldly, the perfect catch. We all wanna know the secrets, don’t lie. So I read some synopses and still came to the conclusion that being confident is the key. Rather than let some other author write my column and run the risk of getting sued, I now present my own thoughts on the opposite of sexy. Avoiding these blasphemous ideals, you run a better chance of just naturally being a sexy beast.