Wet Dreams

Allie Markowitz

Allie MarkowitzThe Daily Northwestern

He approaches you with a seductive grin and smoothly runs his hand down your lower back. With his strong grip, he pulls you closer as his soft lips brush against your neck. His free hand gently strokes your hair as he tilts your head down. Ever so slowly, your lips meet and sparks shoot from the pit of your stomach, causing your body to seemingly melt into his. And then you wake up, really really pissed off and wanting to cry a little.

Ahh, the sex dream. Before I went through puberty I used to have similarly intense dreams about certain retired Beanie Babies coming into my possession or actually being a part of the cast of Full House. When something – or in the case of sex dreams, someone – is out of reach, it makes dreams all that more delicious. Even if you didn’t know you could ever feel sexual towards that person in the first place.

Sex dreams range from innocent lip-locking with your hot 8th grade math teacher to full-on hot and wild monkey sex with your best friend’s significant other. I’m sure it’s just a healthy expression of the human libido. As long as you don’t wake up with the fervent motivation to actually steal your best friend’s lovah, what’s the harm in a little nocturnal fantasy?

Now, I’m going to guess that a sex-themed dream doesn’t actually mean you’re destined to be with that person. Perhaps the subject of your dream was the last person you saw or thought of before bed. Perhaps you’re suffering from a dry spell to rival the Sahara and you’re monstrously horny. The dreaming mind is a cooky little fucker – don’t take it so seriously.

So why do we always take sex dreams so seriously? Why do we stress over them all day when other dreams fade away so fast? Has anyone ever woken up thinking “Yes, today I will be able to climb a mountain of ice cream, then jump onto a nearby airplane and not die!” after a crazy dream? Sex dreams are just regular silly dreams but with private parts involved.

Should you act on them? Yes and no. If you have a dream about a friend of yours and you wake up seeing the entire world in a different light – and keep feeling that way for at least a week – then maybe you should go for it. If you’re both single, that is. The unconscious mind is no excuse to be a home-wrecker, you evildoer.

Now I’ve done some awkward things in my day, but even I know that walking up to your best friend and saying “Hey, I had the best sex dream about you last night, wanna make it reality?” is just sad. If you want something to happen, flirt and see if it gets you somewhere. Casually add sexual innuendo into the conversation. If he or she keeps it going, I’d say it’s fair game to make a move. If Dreamlover gives you a look of pity, cringes, or pukes all over you, step back.

So make your sex dream a sex reality if you’re so inclined. You just never know.4

School junior Allie Markowitz is a PLAY sex columnist. She can be reached at [email protected]