Two thousand thirty-two. To most, this is just a number. Some would argue it is the sum of 1,000 and 1,032. But I don’t buy that fuzzy math. For me 2-0-3-2 spells a little word I like to call “president.” That’s right, I, Josiah Jenkins, declare my candidacy for the Presidency of the United States in the year 2032.

It will be the Year of the Rat, and I’m going to need a lot of cheese to get my ideas out there. Federal Exchange Commission Chairman Michael Toner estimates that the 2008 presidential campaign will cost about $1 billion overall.

All that green might make some candidates blue, but with my early start I can raise three times that amount. How? Send $200 to my campaign, and I will tell you.

Beyond the money, I need to get my name out there in what looks to be a crowded field. There will be candidates lining up on both sides for a trip down the presidential aisle. The Iraq War keeps pumping out veterans whom I will need to put on a Swift boat to nowhere. Incessant immigration from Mexico means at least one illegal alien on the ballot. And I’m pretty sure that there’s another George Bush floating around out there. However, despite this stiff competition, I can assure you of one thing: My opponents are all liars.

Now, I’m just a simple family-loving country boy who shoots straight from the hip. Or, I’m just a silver-tongued pseudo-Ivy-league intellectual. Either way, I’m going to do what the people want.

I will fight even harder for you than The Rock, i.e., “The People’s Champion”, who spoke at the Republican National Convention in 2000.

I’ve already formed a pre-exploratory exploration committee (a sure sign I will run) to report back to me on the issues that will be important to the Iowans and New Hampshirites in 2032. The committee and I have set out three main priorities for the election.

First, we must increase hover car emissions. After the U.S. wages nuclear war on global warming in 2027, the world will face nuclear winter. This plutonium-fueled chill will cause massive re-glaciation.

Second, my administration will dismantle the No Child Left Behind program. In the future, no one will disagree on the necessity of child infantry. However, saving child POWs will prove costly. In response, my administration will give the wee warriors all the supplies they need, but avoid bringing them home. This will surely spread democracy.

Finally, I will work with our friends in Iran to combat French oppression. By 2033, I guarantee that Euro-Disney will be safe from the undead corpse of Jacques Chirac.

Some critics will say that I’m declaring too early. For those detractors, I have four numbers: Two thousand thirty-six. If you want to spoil my re-election bid, y’all better start campaigning.