By Deena BustilloPLAY Editor
Dear neighbors who inhabit the apartment above me,
First off, we’ve probably brushed shoulders in the lobby, but I have no clue who you really are. So, I would like to guess – based solely on the fact that I’m convinced our ceiling will come crashing down any day thanks to the enormous thumps coming from the thin floor of your apartment.
My first conjecture is that you are a human bowling league. I envision that you invite your unfortunate friends over for an innocent “game night,” but really make them huddle down the entryway while you then hurl yourselves at the people pins – at 3 a.m., on a Wednesday. If this is the case, please bring down a copy of your competition schedule. I’m sure you’re professionals at the height of your game by now.
Just in case I’ve got it wrong, dear neighbors, I think I’ll take a second stab. You could definitely be obsessive furniture rearrangers. It’s like those people who constantly change their Facebook profiles – instead of changing your virtual walls, you ding your apartment walls while shoving couches and chairs and cabinets across the room. I admit, the same layout day in and day out is pretty boring. I almost admire the HGTV-esque need to spice up your humble abode so frequently. And by frequently I mean four to seven times a week.
Still, the domestic deal isn’t quite fitting. If I did get it right this time, though, you need to rethink the moving strategy because you seem to be dropping the furniture, not suavely scooting it across the floor.
Therefore, my third guess is a little more practical: it’s cold outside so you’ve moved your Slip ‘n’ Slide indoors. And you crafty, crafty men are charging a stampede of fun-loving freshmen to fling themselves down the watery path from the kitchen to the bedrooms. That would explain the occassional screeches and knock-the-wind-out-of-your-beer-gut howls. I am kind of offended that you haven’t held a building-wide day of childish fun. The E’s vs. the D’s vs. those crazy kids who live across the back porch would make for a historic event. You name the time and I’ll unbury my swimsuit and strap on some protective padding. I just hope that, apart from the falling ceiling fixtures, my apartment doesn’t incur any water damage. The spewing radiators are doing a fine job of that – I’m sure you’ve noticed as well.
If I still haven’t gotten it right, so sorry to have misjudged your endeavors. I hope one day we can meet, then you can tell me face-to-face what goes on up there. I’d go ask if I didn’t look like a trainwreck each time I heard you. But, I don’t think my bedtime gear is changing any time soon, just like I don’t think your bowling/moving/sliding is either. I’m sure I’ll hear (from?) you soon, XO Deena.
Medill junior Deena Bustillo is the PLAY editor. She can be reached at d-bustillo@northwestern.edu.
