Somewhere beneath the beautiful people, thick waist belts, awkward sex and mouth-watering cakes, Because I Said So is either the best or worst movie ever. But you probably won’t be able to make that steep judgment call because you won’t ever get past the beautiful people, thick waist belts, awkward sex and mouth-watering cakes.

The semi-all-star cast is knee-deep in estrogen: Daphne “So glad you aren’t my psycho mother” Wilder (Diane Keaton) and her daughters Milly (Mandy Moore), Maggie (Lauren Graham) and Mae (Piper Perabo). Or, as I prefer to call them: A Walk to Remember, Gilmore Girls and Coyote Ugly.

Neurotic Daphne is paranoid that her youngest, super-cute daughter Milly will end up alone. (Yeah, because she’s all of 23 and still single. Old maid for sure.) So, Mom goes online and puts up a lengthy singles ad to find her daughter’s lucky man herself. Milly meets an asshole (Mom’s doing) and a really handsome musician (chance meeting) and plays the field for awhile. So much chaos and love.

Diane Keaton is a classy, stunning woman in real life, but in this movie she’s a step away from downright horrible. Her character is screechy and controlling and weirdly sexual. At one point Daphne asks Milly what an orgasm feels like. (Um, not O.K., Mom.) She finally gets some lovin’, but answers her daughter’s cell phone call in the middle of doing the deed. (Cringe.)

You leave the theater:

A. Thankful you didn’t sit through this with your mom.

B. Upset you don’t have a charming, hunky man lusting after you and your food – let alone two.

C. Craving cake like whoa.

D. All of the above.

So, go find a man – or better yet, grab a nice slice of cake and make that man pay. It’s a better $10 investment.

-Deena Bustillo

Grade: B