Too often, the final product of a task overshadows the process of its creation. We only see the ends and immediately forget about the means. It’s sad, really, because the act itself can be supremely fascinating. Paper writing is an example of such an act. On the surface, paper writing seems like the simple task of stringing together words, sentences and paragraphs to make a cogent argument. But there is so much more at play.
Earlier in the quarter, I showed you how to get the most out of discussion sections. Now, I will guide you through the act of writing a paper so that you can fully appreciate its eminent complexity.
Approximately a week before the paper is due, convince yourself that you’re going to get a head-start on it. Print out the paper topic, gather your books and find a nice, quiet place to begin. Or lie on your bed while watching “Best Week Ever.” Underline key words in the paper topic – the word “explain” will definitely be crucial to answering your question. Spend the next fifteen minutes writing down random quotes from your books, preferably ones that the book’s prior owner has highlighted (sidenote: always buy used books).
Useless research is also a good idea. Go to the library and check out some books that are tangentially related to the paper topic. Basically, do whatever you can to avoid thinking about the question. That simply would be too stressful at this juncture. Your immense productivity early on should tide you over for a while, so feel free to take a few days off.
Two days before it’s due, make up a spiffy cover-page and a bibliography. You’re going to have to write them anyway, so why not get it out of the way? Of course, writing the bibliography also obligates you to find a way to use each of the sources in your paper. Let’s face it, you’re probably too lazy to go back and change it.
It’s now the night before the paper is due. Wait a minute! You haven’t vacuumed your room all year, so now is definitely a good time to start. Convince yourself that you’ll be a better writer if your room is clean. Then spend about 45 minutes scrolling through IMDB message boards of random actors (“I wonder what Craig T. Nelson is up to lately?”) Make a few posts. (“Wasn’t he awesome on “Coach”?).
It’s now 3 a.m., and the paper is due before 9 a.m. You have a cover page, bibliography, a few random quotes and a clean room. All of a sudden, you find your muse, and for the next thirty minutes you channel the spirit of Ernest Hemingway and manage to defy the laws of physics by typing six pages in less than an hour.
Your paper is now complete. The next time you finish this process, take a moment to reflect on the intricacy of the task you just completed.
But don’t relax. It’s Winter Quarter and you have another one due in the three days.
Mike Platt is a Weinberg senior. He can be reached at [email protected].
