Bar review: The drunken divine

Lasers and torches and waterfalls, oh my! One night at Vision Nightclub and I think I need to start going to confession.

Lucky me, the building that houses Vision started out as a church, later converted into a temple to the hedonist’s gods — Illicit Drugs and Backroom Sex — by the infamous club kid Peter Gatien. Vision claims a one-of-a-kind three-room, eight-level dome of house, techno, hip-hop and trance music, making this late-night bar the sexier sister to the Walmart of dance clubs. If that doesn’t get your head spinning, Vision opens its doors weekends to connect with next-door club Excalibur, adding another 60,000 square feet and three floors. Whew.

Sound appealing? Go straight to the ATM and close out your account. Try not to cry as you fork over 20 to enter, four to check your coat, eight for a Jager bomb, and another 100 to get blasted enough to dance.

Lacking the palace-like ambiance of Le Passage with its 24-karat gold columns or Parisian Rive Gauche, patrons frequent Vision to dance the night away, not to show off around town. Consequently, expect an eclectic crowd from ravers to euros to fashionistas to the well-loved cougars (read: women over 30 who dig young guys) all gathered to worship music and dancing beneath stained glass windows and strobe lights. But let’s not get ridiculous; while your Sevens may make it past the bouncer’s hawk-eye, leave your sneaks at home right beside your bank statement and your hopes of ever saving enough to go out again.

Vision Nightclub, 640 N. Dearborn St., is open 10 p.m.-4 a.m. Monday and Friday; 10 p.m.-5 a.m. Saturday.

–Brooks Teevan