Offing turn-offs

Sarah Bailey

This quarter I’ve written about walks of shame, embarrassing moments and sex in public places. I hope everyone could relate to at least a few of these stories and had a good laugh remembering your own. But as this is my last column of the quarter, I’m going to take a step back from the raunchier stories, and wrap up with a little advice and hints on some big-time turn-offs.

Of course there are some turn-offs that stop a hookup before it even starts. Some people are repelled by someone who is falling down drunk or by a simple thing like lack of intelligence. But if you move past those things to the hookup, turn-offs too often persist.

First, don’t ignore the simple things. Remember that before you get a “home run,” you have to round the bases. All great hook-ups start with a kiss. A great make-out can be an experience you want to come back for. On the other hand, a bad smooch can be enough to stop further action. Make sure you control the saliva and tongue. It’s a sure sign something went wrong if the person you just kissed uses the back of their hand to wipe their face afterward. And though you want to get into the kiss, be aggressive in moderation. My guy friend last week said he was kissing a girl and he was “just getting beaten by a tongue.” So lose yourself in a kiss, just don’t forfeit all control.

Another turn-off is having too much hair — especially down there. My freshman year a friend hooked up with a random guy who had so much body/pubic hair she actually gagged looking at it. The next morning I got a disgusted phone call: “Sarah I seriously was crawling through a jungle down there! I didn’t know what to do.” If you happen to have excessive hair, you might think of at least trimming it down a bit.

Then there’s the fine line between fun-kinky and scary-kinky. A little biting or dirty talk occasionally can spice up a hook-up. But if you’re hooking up with someone you don’t know well and they start yelling perverse things or getting a bit slap happy, it might shock you out of being excited. If you don’t know a person well, a tame approach is probably safest.

As far as personality turn-offs, desperation tops the charts. If someone likes you so much you can be incredibly mean to them and they won’t get mad, it’s pathetic. I have seen guys latch onto a girl and follow her around like a puppy no matter how uninterested she seems. And girls do it as well. It’s just not attractive. Don’t put up with someone’s crap just because you like them. They’ll respect you more in the end.

Finally, I don’t want to single out guys, but here’s a little advice on the subject of orgasms: Girls won’t come back if you don’t care about pleasing them. Most girls don’t have orgasms often, so it’s fine if you don’t get them off every time. But at least try to help the girl enjoy herself. As my friend so fittingly said last week, it’s terrible when guys are only in it for themselves. We’re not going to come if we’re just lying there and the guy is pounding. As she so beautifully advised: “It’s called a clitoris boys. Live it, learn it, love it.”4

Medill junior Sarah Bailey is the PLAY sex columnist. She can be reached at [email protected]