Warning: Do not read this column if you are moving into an Evanston apartment next year. I’m serious. Move on. Try The Daily’s crossword, and remember that a 12-letter word for an Evanston apartment is “circleofhell.”

If you’re not careful, these apartments will ruin your college experience. And no, this isn’t about roommates or dishes. This is about everything else.

Like my friends who live on Ridge and Noyes. Their apartment was robbed over Winter Break. They came home to find their DVD player, most of their DVDs and a couple of laptops gone.

They were lucky. Other apartments in their complex were more thoroughly robbed. How did the thieves do it? Easy. Just busted open the glass windows on the back doors of these apartments, turned the lock, and it was a Merry Christmas.

Are you still excited about moving out of the dorms?

Well, then take a walk with me down the street to the corner of Ridge and Davis – my stomping ground. When we moved in, screens were missing, windows were without glass, the kitchen cabinets were falling apart and the walls were yet to be painted.

Then there was the time when the heat went out for more than two days in the middle of winter.

It’s fine, though. Bigger things have broken in our apartment. For example, our kitchen ceiling. It just came crashing down one day.

Then there’s the security door in our complex, or as I like to call it, Door. There’s no security. You’re supposed to need a key to get in, but in the two years I’ve lived here, Door has worked for a total of about one week.

That’s no good when there are people trying to get into your building. Whether they be salesmen, homeless people or saints.

Yes, we had a saint stop by one day.

“I am a saint,” he said over the intercom. “Will you please come downstairs and greet a saint. I have a pen.”

Oh, and there’s one other problem absent from this laundry list: mice – not your typical mice but