Ford focuses on jobs, tools

Finally. Four years searching for career guidance, and Northwestern makes up for all of the heartache and frustration with one magical panel of speakers.

Jay Mohr (pictured right) was there. So was the guy who used to host “Say What Karaoke” on MTV. And Tommy Hilfiger’s brother. Are you excited yet? What if we said there was a star from the WB’s “Roswell?” And her manager?

And the editor in chief of Spin and the music editor of Rolling Stone? And a cast member from “Oz?” And the hot daughter from “National Lampoon’s Vegas Vacation?” And Ed Kowalczyk, the lead singer of Live?

All sitting on hideous couches. All giving shout-outs to the hip, new Ford Focus ZX5.

Well, if you’re not excited, don’t worry. Neither were the roughly 150 people last Thursday at the “What’s Your Focus Festival.” Tech Auditorium hasn’t been that empty since Moskos gave his lecture on the “Sociology of Farting.”

The panel really got us thinking. There are a lot of hard decisions to make as we prepare to leave NU: Like, should we put our starlet careers on hold to edit a major national music rag?

Is it okay to quit comedy and pursue fashion design alongside our famous brothers? When is it too early to drop out of school and shoot a pilot for a middling teen sci-fi drama on the WB?

But, no, the toughest question was figuring out who the biggest tools were in Ryan Family that day: the panel or the audience members.

It was close. Sure, Dave Holmes (next to Jay Mohr) is a fat, sorry old man who still dresses like a high school freshman. And Andy Hilfiger is stuck in the unenviable position of being the untalented, fatter version of an untalented, popular brother.

But then in the audience, there was the guy who stood up for 10 minutes, complimented each member of the panel for their unfathomable mediocrity and then begged the guy from Spin for a job. Or the girl who decided Jay Mohr was probably the best person on campus to advise her on switching a major from poli sci to theater.

Office of Studies, eat your heart out.

Better yet, eat Ed Kowalczyk’s heart out. What is the matter with that guy? How can a grown man sit in front of a giant “Ford Focus” logo and preach to NU students about the dangers of selling out? And why did he grow back his hair?

Even Mohr was bored. Once, he interrupted “Roswell’s” Shiri Appelby to tell some stupid joke about pot or something, and she shot him a dirty look too realistic to ever appear on the WB. Which is fine, because her story sucked ass, but what was with the hostility? Was Mohr really surprised that the show was going so poorly? What the hell did he expect? Andy Hilfiger, for chrissake. nyou