Somewhere just past Climax, Mich. (motto: “It’s all downhill from here”), I realized Winter Quarter was nearing its end as quickly as it had begun.

And even though we were on the way back to Evanston giddy from Northwestern’s win at Michigan on Wednesday, I also realized that very little has changed since last winter.

NU’s winter sports fare is still as bland as kidney beans. And not nearly as healthy.

Substitute this year’s women’s team (0-16 Big Ten) for last year’s men’s team (0-16 Big Ten), this year’s men’s swimming team’s triumph at the conference tournament (fifth place, its best since 1973) for last year’s women’s team’s finish (third) and – presto, no-change-o – things are pretty much the same now as they were last March 2.

Maybe that’s why Wildcats fans are ravenously anticipating spring football practice. Yes, spring practice. The winters keep a-comin’, and NU (motto: “The second-best Big Ten school in Illinois”) keeps a-flubbin’.

Sure, there have been some good stories. New men’s basketball coach Bill Carmody has his team playing at its best heading into next week’s Big Ten tournament, as the Michigan win illustrated. And fencing keeps kicking ass (fencing ass?), having won its third-straight Midwest Conference title.

But just about anyone would agree the two biggest sports stories this quarter were both football-related: Heisman candidate Damien Anderson announcing he would stay at NU for his senior season, and coach Randy Walker ham-and-egging it up with the media and announcing his impressive recruiting class.

Take away football and the men’s hoops squad’s pleasant regular-season finish, and this winter has had the bitter-cold nip we’ve come to expect from Chicago weather.

The women’s basketball team lost every single one of its Big Ten games for the first time in school history. The Cats won just four games overall. Think that’s bad? The wrestling team also failed to win in a conference match – albeit in the toughest wrestling conference in the nation. And let’s not forget that men’s basketball started the Big Ten season 0-10.

Even more irksome than all the losses is the fact that the winning teams showcase their talents after the quarter ends, or at least when students have their noses in their books. The fencers, who can compete with any team in the nation, take a stab at Midwest regionals March 10 and the NCAA championships during Spring Break. The Big Ten men’s basketball tournament is played during Reading Week, and the individual wrestlers and swimmers who advance to the NCAA championships compete during the break as well.

So then, what exactly is the winter for? Agony therapy?

Barring a torrid run through the Big Ten tournament for Carmody’s team, the winter has absolutely zero redeeming value. There was no Sam Simmons crossing the goal line to beat Michigan, no Hail Mary against Minnesota.

Anything short of a miracle berth in the NCAA tournament for the men’s basketball team will mean, once again, that the winter (motto: “I don’t really have a motto – I’m a season) was a total failure for NU.

Yes, Carmody and a year of improvement have acted as local anesthesia for the pain of last season’s sorry men’s basketball campaign. Gone are Kevin “I don’t do interviews” O’Neill (motto: @#$%!!#@) and his winter blues.

But I’m afraid the winter doldrums are here to stay.

Perhaps Climax, Mich., isn’t quite the right town to summarize one’s thoughts about this dreary quarter.

I hear Death Valley’s nice this time of year.