She hones in on me. Quickly, I glance at the clock. 16:00 hours exactly. She’s circling, ready to strike.

“Are you signed up for that?” she asks.

Create a diversion. “What?” I say, trying to pull off my headphones and purposefully getting the cord tangled around my neck. “Oh, hang on — I can’t get these off.”

That buys me all of 15 seconds. My weakness is painfully obvious. She makes her move. “I was signed up for 4 p.m. on this machine.”

“Really?” Wide, innocent eyes accomplish nothing. Everyone knows: The Blomquist Criminal has been caught again.

No, I didn’t sign up. But my days of none-too-stealthily stealing machines are over. No longer will I stop by Blomquist on my way to a 10 a.m. class to sign up for a Body Trec at noon.

Campaign Blomquist starts here.

SPAC is getting $10 million for six new tennis courts, locker rooms for the tennis teams, three hardwood-floor basketball courts and an elevated running track surrounded by windows.

Patten Gym opened after Winter Break with new weightlifting equipment, after Northwestern’s recreational sports department had already spent about $5,000 on free weights for the gym Fall Quarter.

Blomquist doesn’t even have a scale.

Look, I realize that from a global perspective, worrying about eating too much and fretting about not getting enough physical exercise are luxuries I should be grateful to have. And I want you to know, I am concerned with broader world issues.

But I’m also extremely irritated with Blomquist, and I don’t know enough about world issues to contribute anything new or particularly profound to the discussion. So I’m focusing my energies on something small. And you can’t get much smaller than Blomquist.

I’m starting a petition for more treadmills, EFX cross-trainers and Body Trecs, and for a scale in the locker room. I’ll leave the petition in Blomquist at the front desk by all the other sign-up sheets.

When it’s full, I’ll follow the example of Jeff Newburg, a Weinberg sophomore who e-mailed University President Bienen in October about the literally painful weight-lifting equipment in Patten. Newburg met with Athletic Director Rick Taylor and gave him a Patten wishlist. In early November, less than a week after the meeting, Taylor sent Newburg an e-mail listing the nine improvements that eventually were made.

South campus, let this be our inspiration. I even have a funding plan. An elliptical machine such as a Body Trec costs about $3,000. A scale like one you’d see in a doctor’s office costs about $200. Blomquist has at least ten StepMills, the exercise device I use only by default. I say sell the “TortureMills” and buy a Body Trec. Then siphon off about $20,000 of SPAC’s bounty and buy another Body Trec, two more treadmills, and two EFX cross-trainers.

I only wish I could do more.

The NU alumnus whose company invented Clearasil donated $3 million to SPAC. If I’m ever a rich alumna, I promise to give Blomquist at least enough for another treadmill. But right now I only have enough for an Osco bathroom scale to donate to the locker room, so Campaign Blomquist seems like a good place to start.