What Evil lurks at NU?

Hear no Evil, see no Evil. But vote Evil.

Former ASG president Evil Dave Sheldon, champion of professional wrestling and The People of the Lake, is supposedly working for Microsoft in a city thousands of miles away.

But he still managed to rake in 47 write-in votes on Tuesday’s ASG presidential election, finishing fifth in the race and casting his “evil” shadow over Northwestern student politics.

His Web site shows that sympathy for The People of the Lake is still alive and well; 29 percent of those who completed his exit poll, which was linked to the ASG Web site, said their main concern in their presidential vote was reparations for The People. The Oracle of the Lake pulled in voters for the academic vice presidential race, with 18 percent of the voters saying support for The Oracle was the most important issue in that race.

Not all voters were so kind. In fact, the likelihood of executive vice presidential candidates lighting Norris University Center on fire drew in 32 percent of the voters, according to Evil Dave’s calculations.

Of the 2,617 students who voted in the elections, nearly 2,000 of them linked to Close the Door, Evil Dave’s Web site. There, the self-proclaimed deity asked questions about students’ motivations for their candidate selections, with options such as “collating and stapling ability” and “alleged involvement in Watergate.”

Close the Door also maintained a rumor mill about ASG elections, which Evil Dave intended to be every student’s “source for essential ASG election gossip.” On the site he encourages students to “rat out” their colleagues and send all rumors, accusations and allegations to [email protected] But Close the Door is a mere morsel of the site maintained by The Cult of the Evil Dave Sheldon, whose first teaching is “Thou cannot runneth from thine own bunghole.”

Seems ASG cannot runneth from Dave Sheldon, either.